Need to break self-sabotaging behaviour and shift into doing the things you really want to be doing for yourself? My 7 Self-sabotage shifters!
“I know I need to be doing this regularly for my own health/peace of mind/recovery/rehabilitation….but I just don’t do it”
“I know this will make me feel better if I just did it, but I don’t!”
“I know if I did this I would be a better person/mother/father/business owner, but I don’t do it”
Who can relate? Everyone at some point in our lives - perhaps for some folk no longer, but we’ve all been there many times. For some it can feel like a lifetime of struggle, all talk no walk so to speak. We’ll even go as far as blaming the external because it feels like s%$t to acknowledge the truth and own it. I absolutely agree that it’s not as simple as telling yourself (or being told) “just do it”, “make it happen” or “put it in your diary/schedule it” because the trouble is there is something in the way, something bigger than it not being on your schedule or to do list. It’s YOU!
Whilst it’s true there needs to be a level of discipline implemented, a repeated action, even introducing a small simple step every day, however this will fall by the wayside eventually if the truth is not revealed.
The only way to get ourselves out of our own way is with self-love, and I don’t just mean saying nice things to ourselves when we skip ‘the thing’ we want to do again and again. Although it is important to be kind always with our inner dialogue, I won’t say anything to myself that I wouldn’t say to my dearest bestie. By self-love I mean digging in deep and finding out why you don’t feel worthy of doing this thing for yourself - because that is the reason behind this self-sabotaging pattern, it holds the wisdom to break through it.
As crazy as it might sound, I get some weird pleasure out of being really uncomfortable and going through dramatic change in my life, because it’s when I go through these times my stuff rears its ugly head and when I am willing to (which takes effort and ackowledgement) I get to see what is getting in my way of my self-worth, what I have been avoiding at all costs. I get to see what is stopping me from gifting myself with this simple act which will only improve my wellbeing, my life as I know it, improve all that I give to others. Ironically it’s by acknowledge this very private and personal place of vulnerability that we remember we are connected to one another, we are the same, that we have access to an unlimited source of energy and love. We block ourselves from this love and all that we want by not facing these darker places within.
Perhaps it’s the prioritising others first “I need to do things for others/my business first” or instead we’re doing the things that ensure we are liked/not disliked, not seen as greedy or selfish or pretentious, seen as a good parent or friend, we’re not judged by others. Perhaps you don’t really even want to do that/achieve it, the pressure came from the external and it’s not your goal - that’s a common one! It can even go deeper with what we unconsciously think we deserve because of what someone said to us in the past and we’ve carried it with us.
Here’s my 7 self-sabotaging shifters ~ ways to provide yourself with the necessary support to dig deep, to replace self-sabotage with self-love;
Start a daily affirmation, create for yourself a very specific and personal statement including what it is you want to do/achieve. Say it with gratitude, as if it has already come to be. First thing in your day, sit upright and repeat it until every cell in your body ‘feels’ it eg “I am so grateful for my vibrant and healthy body and mind. Every day I improve my wellbeing” - and trust me it is completely normal to start saying your affirmation and not believing it one little bit. Keep repeating it with an open mind until you feel your heart space open up to it being your truth, and then sit in that space for another few minutes so you can take it into your day, into you every choice and action thereon.
Find a podcast/book/blog with someone who has done what it is you want to achieve immerse yourself into experiencing the outcome fully.
Try EFT Emotional Freedom Technique/Tapping or Hypnotherapy or Kinesiology - to shift your stuck behaviours, to move through the unconscious layers, to find your block
Do that one small thing each day that gets you closer to your goal, then kindly acknowledge the resistance when it appears. Gently ask “why am I not willing to gift this to myself?” and notice what you are choosing to do instead. Discipline is the disrupter of distraction!
Choose to follow at least 3 profiles who inspire you to do that thing you want to do, who provide you tips on how to be it, so you see it every day
Make a Pinterest or a dream board with imagery reminders of what it is your wanting to achieve - look at it every day. Journal how this will look to you, how it makes you feel as if it has already come to be - practice gratitude to attract it’s energy!
Unfollow anyone that makes you feel less than amazing, reduce excessive social media
Online practices to support your DE-self-sabotaging and journey into self-love:
Loving Kindness Meditation - make yourself the ultimate receiver of this practice
Releasing Negative Mind Chatter Meditation - NEW online
Try a Whole Body Yin practice and in the space you provide yourself in each pose, go gently with your inner dialogue, sink into your self-love in practice
The quote below is an all time favourite of mine whenever I am getting in my own way, it brings me back to heart space and remembering my worth. In case you need it too, I hope you feel it fully and it helps shift you into your amazing big time.
With love, Namaste
Nic Whiteman
